Special Comment: O’Really Mr. Olbermann? It’s Nothing But the Dog in You

For years, Comedy Central's entertainers have fed the college-age demographic their news in the form of The Daily Show and more recently The Colbert Report. These shows have always been intended to make light of the world’s heaviest burdens and provide political commentary through the lens of satire and comedy. While neither of these shows ever claimed to be news programs, a recent Internet poll for Time showed that not Katie Couric, not Charlie Gibson, not Brian Williams, but The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart was the nation’s most trusted name in news . While I’m not stating that this poll has any statistic validity or is representative of the nation’s opinion whatsoever, it’s a sad statement about the level of trust between the public and the media. For a show that makes more poop jokes than Comedy Central’s other most popular program, South Park, to be considered the most trusted name in news, it points out the failures of news reporters to build a rapport with the people.

The twenty-four hour cable news networks have taken notes on Comedy Central’s success, and have attempted to emulate the formula of entertainment news. In order to do this, networks through their journalistic integrity out the door by injecting an unhealthy dose of subjectivity and bias into their presentation of the news. Although it is understood that a certain degree of bias inevitably exist, this radical disregard for objectivity is thrown out the window in favor of opinionated talking heads who supply a great deal of entertainment yet very little investigative journalism.

Some argue that this sort of subjectivity in the media is actually beneficial and follows our judicial system of adversarial legalism, where attorneys on both sides prepare and present their respective cases to the best of their ability, regardless of their own personal opinion. They throw their own beliefs out the window because they are motivated to win their case for the money. This also ignores one of the biggest problems revolving adversarial legalism: the results are heavily influenced based on the resources available to the respective sides. Finally, this assumes that most Americans get their news from multiple sources that offer unique, opposing perspectives on issues, which is simply rarely the case in reality. Most Americans have their favorite, usually like-minded medium to connect them with the news and do not take the time to explore different sources either because they do not care or have no time. And for those American who do, I applaud you in hopes that you are doing so in order to come to your own partisan-free opinion, and not solely so you can better know your enemy. At this time, I will refrain from further ranting on blind partisanship and its effects since it’s a song sung so much that the choirs getting tired of it. While there’s a time and a place for it, this dying dog has been kicked enough for one day.

Finally tonight, as promised, a Special Comment on dogs, and maybe cats, and possibly the abuse of comas, grandiose verbatim, and multiple camera angles all in an attempt to stroke one’s own ego. Yes, indeed, Mr. Olbermann, sir, this comment, my comment, is undoubtedly aimed and directed at your humiliating fall from grace into the very darkest and most dismal depths which you yourself, sir, usually damn all disagreeing contemporaries to. You are walking on hollow ground previously traversed by the likes of Jim Cramer, Rush Limbaugh, Don Imus, Tucker Carlson, Lou Dobbs, Sean Hannity, Alan Colmes, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, and FRIENDS, and you are dangerously close to aiding and abetting these tyrants of terror in the murder of journalism, the murder of America, and worse, the murder of modern democracy. The plague that has become 24 hour American Journalism will spread faster and more rapidly than Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, and is far, far more deadly and despicable. You have stooped, good sir, to a level of fear mongering through the pompous and bombastic verbal vomit that you spew out on Americans. While some may be impressed with your uncanny ability to abuse a thesaurus, I must ask if this is your attempt to appease academic intellectuals, inspire awe in Americans in order to coax them into following your own political agenda, or are you committing indecent exposure by masturbating in front of millions of Americans every night in an attempt to pleasure your already emphatically over-inflated ego? It is with great sorrow that I have to report that we have all been fooled, and that the year is not 2010, but indeed 1984.

Sigh… Ok, I can’t handle this anymore. Even while simply typing, I lack the natural improvisational abilities of greats like Stephen Colbert and Sacha Baron Cohen to stay in character. My abilities might be comparable to that of Ben Affleck, and while I cannot consider myself an aficionado on his career, one of his greatest moments may have come from his Saturday Night Live parody of MSNBC’s Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Please indulge yourselves by taking a few moments and enjoying this classic comedic commentary.



After Pearl Harbor, I never thought that the words Ben Affleck and masterful could be used in the same sentence, but it’s an apt description of his critique of Olbermann. The work speaks for itself by addressing many of the aforementioned problems. What really irks me about Keith is that he does so much right, but his delivery and presentation tend to be so radical that it ruins any of his credibility. Everything becomes a slippery slope for Mr. Olbermann that he takes to illogical extremes. For example, the potential ramifications of the recent Supreme Court case personally involving campaign financing scared me, but Olbermann compared the decision to the same Dred Scott case that sparked the Civil War. His scathing analysis of the decision perpetuates the growing distrust of government, and is entirely fatalistic without a presentation of the potential resolutions to his fears.

Keith claims he is simply fulfilling his role as a government watchdog for the sake of educating Americans on the affairs of their government and the world, a noble and necessary function of a journalist. But Mr. Olbermann needs to focus more on enlightening individuals with the information to make their own educated decisions instead of simply indoctrinating the public with his own philosophies and beliefs. Even though Keith clearly feels he is the preeminent human being whose intellect vastly exceeds his fellow citizens, that does not mean we are not worthy to critically think for ourselves and become engage in the political arena. Yes, the Right does have its attack dogs, but you don’t engage Goliath in hand to hand combat, regardless of how strong you are. It’s not only reckless but childish, and Olbermann should know better.

Whether he is a watch dog, or indeed the Left's attack dog, Olbermann has been acting too much like a dog. Please save your reputation by leaving your bias and your ego at the door, sir, and please engage us in meaningful discussions that is respectfully representative of the multiplicity of views of our UNITED States of America, and stop fueling the partisanship fire your preach against every night from on top of your soap box.